Barb and her brother

Every once in a while I'll get a flashback to some episode in my life, some good ... some not so good. I took a bath earlier, hoping the hot water would somehow clear my lungs. For no reason at all, I thought of a guy I dated briefly. I worked with his sister at the time. She had a party, and that's where I met him. Just a quick introduction ... I don't recall a big conversation between the two of us that night.

I remember she came in to work and told me her brother wanted to ask me out. She wanted to know if it was okay to give him my phone number. I said sure, although I was a little apprehensive. He had epilepsy, and I didn't know exactly what that meant. I mean I knew a little bit, but didn't know if there was more ... so I read up on the illness. I remember another friend of mine being impressed that I researched it.

I was young and not exposed to much out of the ordinary. He lived a pretty normal life, although there were a lot of things he could not do that we take for granted. Like driving - because of the possibility of having a seizure - and drinking - because of the medication he was on. Not that he would have been a drunk, but this one hit him especially hard. He felt very self conscious that he couldn't drink with every one else. I remember the smile on his face when he grabbed a bottle of O'Douls and sat with his brothers. He was very happy, feeling very much like "one of the boys."

The memory, though, that flashed before me tonight and got me thinking of this was ...

We were going to the mall. Just a typical weekend, me dragging the poor guy to the mall I guess! Anyway, I was driving and he was talking to me. He stopped for a few seconds and got flustered. I had no idea why. Again, call me stupid, but I was pretty naive. He was very embarrassed when having to tell me he had a mild seizure. I didn't skip a beat and said I wouldn't have known if he hadn't told me. If he kept going with his story, I wouldn't have blinked an eye. And that was the truth.

I remember his sister telling me later that he was besides himself. That one brief moment changed him. He was more confident -- way less self conscious about his seizures. I'm glad I could do that for him. I certainly didn't know one sentence would be so powerful.

I think his name was Joe. I don't know what ever happened to him. I hope he is happily married. I know he deserved to be. He was a kind and thoughtful person, and very hard-working.

What happened to us? What always happened. I felt smothered and/or bored and moved on.